Becca 020

Tag: autistic-spectrum

  • Asperger’s Syndrome Part 2

    Asperger’s Syndrome Part 2

    People who are Aspie’s all have the same thing in common. The part of the spectrum they struggle with is the social aspect. I explained in my previous post how much I struggle with it.

    It’s how to start a conversation, or if this has been mastered it’s a topic of small talk that is absolutely tedious. Small talk is not where I shine and I hate it. I would rather jump straight into a conversation of intelligence that sparks me and the participants into a deeper thinking. Personally it’s about having a great and interesting conversation or no conversation at all.

    Having come across other people on the spectrum I know finding the words and putting them into a sentence can be a real and major struggle. It could be mid conversation, sentence or simply at the start of both. Other times a sentence is formed but makes no sense to a neurotypical but absolute perfect sense to a neurodivergent. I find for myself, only occasionally, if I am really struggling to find the right word or the words to string together if it does not make sense to me it will make sense to a neurotypical.

    One of my all time favourite pass times is sitting on my balcony or if I am out in a café is people watching. I find it so much more enjoyable than attempting or trying to engage or keep a conversation going.

    When I do watch other people I do get the feeling of loneliness and envy of how they find it so easy to socialise so effortlessly. As much as I enjoy not engaging with other people I do also enjoy it just on the scale that other people might. All it takes is a few hours and of my weekend and I am happy to then get on with the other stuff I have to do.

    I have so many conversations in my head that happen. Most are to myself, about anything and everything, Big or small topics. Some are with family members about the same sort of thing. I am not good at reading social cues so I could end up either talking too much because I don’t know when to stop talking or I don’t respond because I don’t know if it’s my cue to talk.

    I am socially anxious person and always have been and that is because of my Asperger’s I often feel left out despite my efforts to fit in. This then leads to my mental health which is impacted daily.

  • The Spectrum and Mental Health

    The Spectrum and Mental Health

    In the last 3 years my Mental Health has been declining. especially in the last 2 of them.

    I have referred myself to a therapist a couple of times to pick myself up to a self manageable level. I am not any medication but recently I have been thinking about talking to the doctor about prescribing some for me.

    For me it’s been a wide range of things contributing to my mental health.

    The great misunderstanding from other people. The refusal to understand and refusal to try and make my surroundings easier.

    The amount of times I have contemplated packing up my job, selling my flat, car and putting things into storage that I want to keep and go gallivanting around the world. The prospect fills me hope and great relief mentally, I have no children or partner but, I cannot put my finger on what is stopping me.

    What is socially acceptable is what the neurotypical people deem to be acceptable. The neurodivergent then don’t stand a chance (certainly feels like it to me). What the neurotypical people believe people should behave like is not what the neurotypical want to do, we find it incredibly exhausting. Being forced to behave in a way that is opposite to what we naturally want to makes our lives a lot harder. A life for a neurodivergent is already challenging and yet neurotypical people force pressure on us to not behave naturally and yet wonder why when we get home our families wonder why we are physically and emotionally exhausted because the way, even our families, have forced us to behave in public has taken a negative toll on our mental health so then our mental health takes steep decline.

    Neurodivergent people in their lifetime are never allowed the opportunity, high percentage of the time to be themselves, which means more than more 80% of the time we are pretending to be someone else because the neurotypical deem it acceptable that they are allowed to bully and control us by telling us we, as neurodivergent, are doing and behaving that is never right. This is I believe the main reason why neurodivergent people stay at home and do not go out in public. The serious lack of acceptance of neurodivergent people makes me sad and cry as I can only find true and peace when I am at home or on my own as I do not have to pretend to what the neurotypical believe is correct.

    Neurotypical people who have grown with siblings or who have children who are neurodivergent always say the sacrifices they have to make on behalf or because of the person who is neurodivergent.

    As soon as the neurodivergent person is old enough they spend the rest of their lives being bullied, emotionally and mentally, by the neurotypical people they grew up with because for the short start in their lives they were hard work. As a child, neurotypical or divergent, being able to control one self is not what happens. Most neurotypical people who are not family members do little to help. Most workplaces and environments do not have in place to accommodate for neurodivergent people, they expect us to function like everyone else and just accept and any reaction or request we have most of the time is refused or unacceptable.

    I have been told throughout my that I cannot be truly myself in public by family members because my true self is unacceptable or too disturbing to the wider population. This has always made me feel I am not good enough. For me | think I have always bad mental health but in the last 2-3 years I have realised that I have spent most if it being bullied or forced into situations and behaviours I shouldn’t have been and it my negative mental health now is the sudden realisation of the years of being told my true behaviours and reactions are not good enough.

    What needs to happen is workplaces are forced to accommodate neurodivergent people. Compared to the number of neurotypical people our numbers are much lower so being forced to make special accommodations for the far less fewer is something that is not very hard. I would love to see a all Neurodivergent workplace and anyone who is neurotypical should not be able to work there to ensure that the neurodivergent are fully protected from any prejudice who is not on the spectrum.

    Nearly all Neurodivergent people are on some mental health medication due the severe pressures from family members and society. Does this not make neurotypical people question themselves how they are behaving towards and treating the neurodivergent. If they are not questioning themselves then quite honestly this is incredibly saddening as nearly all neurodivergent people would not be on mental health medication if it not for the treatment by neurotypical people.