Living with Asperger’s Syndrome

I am 35 years old and I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome when I was 10 years old.

Throughout my life and current day I have always hated big crowds. There have been exemptions to this, Britney Spears concert and west end shows to name a couple. With large crowds I find it all to overwhelming and over stimulating and just all too much. When I am in a big crowd I become withdrawn, quiet and try to find a corner to loiter in to get some comfort of isolating myself away from the crowd.

I am someone who enjoys being alone and finds comfort in being alone however, in the last couple of years I have found myself having the feeling of loneliness on a frequent basis. I have tried online dating but having Asperger’s have put myself in situations which have been potentially dangerous and caused me mental and emotional distress because I have given myself the following thought processes:

After the asked myself why did I put myself in that situation it could have turned out much different than it did or it has turned out my physical health paid the price and taken a major toll on my body and made me question myself as a person and what I want. When I have questioned myself on this I have clarification as to what it is but on a couple of occasions found it hard to get myself over the situations or person out of wanting someone in my life but come to my senses that I can do better.

What I find a lot of people don’t realise or want to accommodate or accept is a lot of what we do and say we genuinely cannot help it. Where I find people not the spectrum where they behave and say things they get away with it, they get pulled into the office by all members of management and get given official warnings for their behaviour, attitudes and actions which in my eyes is very discriminating and bullying towards people on the Autistic Spectrum.

I have always felt in places I have been left out or I have felt left out because of social situations and cues I do not understand.

Writing also from experience I do find with so many people not understanding the autistic spectrum or Asperger’s Syndrome they seem to think and/or believe we are stupid people. We have low IQ’s, which is actually the complete opposite. There are situations and social que’s I do not understand but most of them I understand perfectly, if not I understand more and better than people who are NOT neuro-divergent.